1. The Ambitious Geek
Flaming was born in the early days of Usenet, a direct descendant
of some cro-magnon dweeb in days of yore. To this day, some academics
want to 'reclaim' flaming as an art form. Well, that's academics
for you! University still nurtures lonely, highly intelligent people,
but fails to give them social skills. Like any other group, they
have fears and insecurities, but their territory is often the Internet.
More real than a city bus station, they know its strengths, it's
weaknesses, its Dark Side and it's opportunities to wield power.
What they often don't appreciate is its size; they cannot tell
the difference between being a big fish in a small pond - or being
a bit of plankton in Google's supplementary results. They get delusions
of grandeur. Their endless repetitive posts, with their anime avatars
and cliche signatures are just a virtual form of graffitti - telling
the world they exist.
There are fewer of them than a few years ago; simply because the
Internet is more a part of the real world, and dinosaurs are on
their way out. This group now includes females as well as males
(not that seems to reduce the level of misogyny).
AGs live in a very small world, and they see themselves at the
very center of that world; their tender spot is their whole being
- any comment is open to misinterpretation, and will unleash a storm
as they attempt to show who's the boss.
The best response is usually "Well, Pardon Me For Living",
and just move away, leaving them to consider the things that matter
in life, like wouldn't it be great to have a time machine and see
who shot Kennedy, or even the vital issues, like 'Will Star Trek
be back?"
These are 'personal space' flamers. Enter their world, and learn
their rules instantly, or be abused. Move away a little bit, and
you are invisible to them. By the nature of the web, there's always
a supply of new people to stumble across their unmarked territory.
2. The Hungry Homeworker
The Internet has distorted the rules of the universe. Nowhere else
has such an ocean of get rich schemes, nowhere has such a supply
of people who would give never their money to a stranger with silly
idea - but a solid belief that everyone else will.
They ignore the logic that says okay, one or two made millions,
but one or two million made nothing - they just helped the one or
two! They endlessly tell you that Amazon started in a garage. Sure,
a garage plus $50,000 from dad. They tell you Google was built by
two college students - yup, at a top university, where any student
can walk into a bank for money to develop and idea. I'm not knocking
these people - I'm their greatest fan. But I know I can't do what
they did. The Hungry Homeworker has no such limitations.
He - and often She - wants two things; information and suckers.
Already being a sucker makes it hard for them to identify others,
so there's a first line of frustration. They want information on
how to get rich quick, and simply cannot understand why others are
not getting in line to get them that first million.
They go on ebay newsgroups and ask people to reveal where they
get their wholesale stuff cheap (duh!); they pop up all over plugging
their new website - affiliate number 447294 - "How can I get
more visitors to my website, I got two last week".
Their dual tragedy is their undying faith that if they spend a
few more bucks making someone else rich, they will succeed - plus
a total lack of a sense of humour. So when questioned on the merits
of their latest scam - sorry, scheme - they are mortally offended,
and will excoriate the world. the only Big Word they know is 'unAmerican',
which is thrown generously at anyone who doubts their ability to
succeed. Any attempt to explain why selling fake viagra to schoolboys
is both unethical and doomed to fail, is sure to upset them.
Sadly, the best way to deal with them is to respond exactly as
they ask: "You won't find cheaper than Wal-Mart" or I
sell stuff on ebay that I buy on ebay". "You want more
visitors? - you need to advertise". "You want to sell
viagra to schoolboys? Best ask the local police for a license"
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